At the one year anniversary of The Covenant School shooting, our minds and hearts are preoccupied with those most closely impacted by the events that unfolded on March 27th.
At the anniversary of any tragedy, we can expect a lot of big feelings to resurface—there’s some science behind it. Our brains store such difficult and traumatic memories differently. Because we’re designed to survive, our brain stores these difficult memories in a way that is easy to access so that we can avoid danger. It is normal for the intense emotions experienced on March 27 to be closer to the surface and easier to access in the days around its anniversary.
What to Expect:
Irritability and edginess: Your fuse might be shorter than usual; your child’s will likely be short, too.
The surfacing and resurfacing of memories: Anything from the blossom of cherry trees to the sound of siren may cause memories to surface faster.
A feeling of dread: Will something trigger me? What will I feel? How do we actually do this? This being the first anniversary ensures that none of us knows exactly how we will feel and we often dread what we don’t know.
A sense of vulnerability: We are reminded on this day of the precious nature of life and how quickly things can change and shift.
Grief and sadness: Our sense of loss is amplified and grief is often louder on the anniversary of a tragedy.
What to Do:
Turn off the news: Images and news reports recounting the shooting will likely be distressing for children and adults. Consider limiting media access.
Huddle: While many mean well, few truly understand. Be intentional about sharing your time and energy with others while you’re navigating these days.
Talk: Make space for conversations with your children, allowing them to hear your perspective, your fears, the ways in which you’re grateful, and how this has changed your life.
Move: Get outside and walk. Walking is a tremendous tool; bilateral movement is calming, regulating our nervous system and allowing us to more easily process our emotions.
While the tips above may offer some relief or reassurance that your responses are appropriate, the truth is there’s no easy way to move through this week. But, there is an invitation for people of faith on this Holy Week—we are invited to engage with Good Friday, to feel the weight and depth of crushing grief. To allow room for despair knowing that Jesus is well-acquainted with our grief and he, too, grieved deeply. And then somehow, by faith, we turn our eyes toward Easter and wait for promised relief.
- Amy Jacobs, LMFT
